Action vs. reaction

While it seems we all agree on reinforcing desired behaviors, one topic from class involving the behavior of others has created two clear sides: we ignore behavior we don’t want to see or we address it. I, like Loretta and probably others, struggle with the idea of ignoring behaviors that are undesirable. Ignoring the fact, for example, that my boyfriend cannot seem to grasp the concept of washing both the inside and the outside of a dish will not change his behavior; he will just continue not washing the dishes correctly. Likewise, my pleas and instruction on doing the dishes better has also not produced results. What do you do when neither ignoring nor addressing the behavior seems to work?

As I began to read Shamu, I was still struggling with this. Sutherland in chapter three, however, points out how much self-reflection and self-control it takes to change the behavior of others. That led me to think that perhaps along the way, it becomes less about the behavior you seek to change and more about the self-discovery of why you wish to change that behavior in the first place. Is it more important that the behavior change or that our perception and understanding of the behavior, and therefore the subsequent impact it has on us, change? How much do we stand to gain if we altered our perspective in this way? Instead of blaming others for behaviors that bother us, we are taking ownership that the reason it is bothersome lies in our own prior experiences and our perceptions. Like Sutherland shared, after much introspection she stopped caring about her husband’s lost wallet and let the scene unfold without her interruption. What I took from this example is that not everything needs a reaction; sometimes we are better off being patient. In this day and age of constant communication, the inability to turn off, and instant gratification, however, this is not an easy task. If we seek behavior change, we have to employ conscious actions and not just reactions. While I still struggle with the idea of ignoring behaviors, Sutherland has provided some insight, or at least food for thought, about how we have to first train ourselves to be cognizant of our actions and reactions in order to positively impact our interactions with others.